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Love is All You Need … Not

Kasha Thompson @kayslay_allday

Photo: Photographer: @gemmachuatran

You know that one friend who loves to be in love. That friend thinks that a relationship will solve all their problems. That friend settles for less just to have someone in her life. Lots of times we think that love is all we need to be happy, fulfilled, and finally, start living. Just having a partner doesn’t mean you have the love, respect, and security you need in a relationship. Maybe you need to stop looking for love in all the wrong places and start understanding what you need to truly be in love.

Let’s discuss some things you should look for in a relationship. These traits can apply to any relationship, not just a romantic one. First things first, your relationship should have mutual respect. If one or both people don’t respect the other, how can you build a deep lasting relationship? Girl, if you don’t respect someone why would you choose to have them in your life. Life is way too short to spend time with people whose abilities, qualities, and achievements don’t resonate with you.

Without trust, your relationship will die. You can try to make it work but real talk, you are just kicking the breakup can down the road. We have heard all of this before, if you can’t trust your partner then why are you with them? This isn’t a hard question to answer. We stay with people we can’t trust because we don’t believe we deserve better. We stay with partners we can’t trust because we're afraid to move forward alone. We stay with people we can’t trust because we love them and we hope that eventually the love we give will be reciprocated. Spoiler alert: It ain’t gonna work. Sure, we all know a friend’s cousin's niece who stayed with a dude who cheated and lied to her for years and now they're getting married. Relationship goals, I guess? But don’t you want better? Don’t you want someone who respects you enough, to be honest with you even when it hurts?

You need someone who is going to show up for you. That could be physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Nothing is worse than needing a shoulder to lean on, or a friendly ear and not being able to find that in your partner. Your partner should be your source of peace. If your partner can’t be there for you and support you when you’re doubting your abilities or suffering from family loss, or when you’re just pissed at your boss, then why are they there?

I know you love them. But sometimes we need to ask ourselves what is it that we really love. Do you love having a partner to go to dinner and social events with? Do you love companionship? Is it the sex, girl? Does your partner meet your needs and fill your cup outside of the bedroom? You don’t have to settle for good enough. Sometimes you need to step away from Mr. Good Enough to make room for Mr. Love Supreme.


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