Written by: Tamara @tamarathewriter
Photo from: Pinterest
I admit, I was raised in a household where all the women in my family were quite outspoken. It wasn't just about what my father wanted and ensuring his happiness, but my mother's happiness and her comfort was just as important. So entering a relationship where a man was the only person whose voice rang out, was a tad bit unfamiliar to me. As I grew older in age and began to date, I met many different types of personalities. I realized that some guys were raised in homes where the women in their family were seen, but never heard. Surprisingly, I also acquired some friends who grew up in the same types of households. I remember sitting around at friends houses and talking about what we as young women, referred to as submissive behavior. Some would say that men were attracted to submissive women and disliked women who were too opinionated. Some of my friends told of stories where some men said things like, "I don't like when females run their mouth too much", but in my mind, I was like, "I'm gonna speak my mind, because there are two people investing their time in this and anything outside of that would seem too much like a "One-Sided Relationship"
As time went on, I began to see women being portrayed in movies, music videos, and reality television shows as submissive as well. Honestly.... it was kind of sickening to watch. I tried...I mean, I really tried to speak softly and play the timid role, but I just couldn't keep up with it. Like I knew how to respect my mate, but buckling under him and pretending I didn't have common sense in order to make him feel like he was "The Man", just wasn't something I was willing to do. I couldn't be his "Beautiful Dummy". I would need to always maintain my own self identity. Self Identity: The recognition of one's potential and qualities as an individual, especially in relation to social context. Now how am I suppose to show a man that I can stand next to him, in my own strength, be bold, have my own self identity that will compliment him in agreement or help to make him a better person even in our differences, if I don't have my own self identity? The answer is, I couldn't.
My advice to all women: Always start out the way you want to end up. If you have your own views, be bold in that. Don't only have an opinion when a man gives you one. You are a person and if you are that Diva and Queen he speaks so highly of, then be that Diva and Queen at all times. Know your self worth whether you are behind closed doors or out for the world to see. If he's happy, then you should be happy. Don't let him make you feel any less interesting because you aren't playing the submissive role and please don't let him gas you up and have you competing with women outside of your race because he says their easier to deal with. It's okay to stroke his ego a little bit, but not to the point where you lose yourself.
I couldn't be more serious about this. The implications to always being submissive, never having your own opinion, not ensuring your own happiness, not expressing yourself or even letting a man know when he's gotten on your last nerve, is that when you finally step up and want to speak out, he will be caught off guard, arguments will be on the rise and quite frankly, he wont want to hear anything you have to say. You could end up breaking up behind it, and ironically, he ends up being with another woman that he'll profess to friends about how great she is because she's got a mind of her own, doesn't put up with his crap and stood her ground from the beginning. Now wouldn't that be something? lol.
A relationship is a two way street. It's an old saying, but it takes "two to tango". I have two funny stories I'd love to share with you.
Please check out my YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt7Rhh5hP3FlFfvzTWekchw?view_as=subscriber
Blessings to you, you beautiful Queens!